Blog 4:

Our Restless Nafs community is growing and this blog contains real stories. Not the pretty, everything-turned-out-fine stories we all love to hear about, but the often-embarrassing, sometimes-queasy, mid-mess-up, I-don’t-understand-what’s-happening-to-me kinds of stories.

A cherished and long-standing member of our Restless Nafs Syndrome community reached out to me recently about his run-in with his nafs. He started like this: “Have you ever done something where it feels like you’re not in control?"

Naturally, my head went in many (very wrong) directions and I was almost afraid to ask what had happened.

He went on to explain that it was a weird experience and it’s like “I wasn’t even in control of what I was doing.”

At that point, I wondered whether I wanted to know LOL. But I was, as the nafs tends to make us, quite intrigued.

He started trading gold. He had a successful few days and “really liked it.” He felt confident, and when it came to R500 000, maybe a little over-confident.

Yes! You read that right! Half a million in REAL, life-changing money.

And then, he said, something clouded his judgement, like “greed and nafs took over and I literally lost everything.”

Intrigued (or highly inquisitive) I asked my questions. It was right down my nafs research alley. There was no way I was going to let politeness stop me from knowing more.

News reports caused chaos and he took his first loss.

“But over-confidence suggested that if I try again, I will recover.”

Long story short, he didn't recover.

“Minus balance or zero balance?” I asked.

“Zero.”

Phew!

I immediately asked if I could write about it. So this is a very true story and it’s very new. Hot off the press, as they say.

He said it felt like greed. That he kind of went out of control for a bit. That something took over. It was a “dark place”.

And, we all now know, that that something, that dark place, has a name.

The nafs is clever. It doesn’t tap you on the shoulder and say, "Excuse me, I'm about to take over from common sense." It is far more subtle than that.

It waits for the right emotions. Think excitement, hope, desperation, ambition… and then it slides in quietly and takes over. Sly, hey?

In his case, the emotion was the intoxication of winning. R500 000 will do that to a person. It tells the nafs a story: you are good at this. You have the touch. Keep going. More. More More.

And the nafs, in its most commanding state, what we call the nafs al-ammarah, LOVES that story. It feeds on it. It turns the volume up on the greed, and the wants, and the needs and turns the volume down on the caution, the common sense, and the small voice that says enough now.

Before you know it, you're not trading anymore. The nafs is trading. And the nafs is not interested in your rent or your groceries or your savings. It is only interested in the next hit of the feeling. The dopamine rush. This is the nafs doing exactly what it is designed to do.

It was only later that I realised I had completely skipped over the sympathy part. No "are you okay?" No "I'm so sorry that happened." Just straight to "can I write about it?" And that, my dear friends, was my own nafs, doing what it does.

The reason I am sharing his story (with his full knowledge and blessing) is because Restless Nafs Syndrome is not just about overindulging or affairs or resentment. It shows up in trading floors and casinos, in relationships and career choices, in the way we eat when we are sad and the way we spend when we are happy.

Restless Nafs Syndrome is universal. And one of the best things we can do to combat it, is start naming it. Because you can’t fight what you can’t recognise.